Hopefully Yours

The word hopefully is an adverb. Adverbs are usually formed by taking an adjective, such as normal, and adding 'ly' to the end of it; in this case, the word normally is formed. The meaning of this new adverb is 'in a normal way.' For example, if someone is driving normally, they are driving in a way that is normal. You all know this. Other examples include quietly, ludicrously, and voraciously.  For today we will concentrate on hopefully.

First let's look at some samples from text in real life. The "Press and Journal" posted an article today titled "Business as usual, hopefully." An article on http://thelinknewspaper.ca, also posted today, begins with the sentence "Hopefully we have reached a time in human consciousness where we understand that Christmas, as it exists in most households, is a big, corporate scam." There are other grammatical issues with that sentence, unless the author is trying to portray something very different from what it seems he is trying to portray, but we'll ignore those for now. In the first example, the way hopefully is used makes it seem that business as usual is conducted in a hopeful way, if we look at it with strict grammatical adherence. The second example explains the manner in which we have reached a time where we understand such and such. We have reached this time in a hopeful manner.

"Now wait a minute! This makes no sense," you say. "Everyone I know uses that word that way. Even my English professor does!" Then you go and look up 'hopefully' in an online dictionary. Right there in the second definition, it says "2. It is to be hoped that: 'hopefully, it should be finished by next year.'" "Aha!" you say. "I've proved those snobby grammer, er, grammar police wrong."  It is true that hopefully is now accepted for use in this way, but the English language changes over time.  For example, mosey is accepted as standard English meaning to "walk leisurely."  Mosey originated from the Spanish word vamoose, which means to depart quickly.  The English that existed in the early United States did not contain this word, and it was added later after the United States expanded to the west.  Hopefully, when used in this manner, is an even later addition to the English language, and this use of the word is still being debated among grammar elitists.  After enough people start using a word the wrong way, it becomes acceptable.  It may be accepted at first as a 'dialect' only, but soon afterward it becomes standard English.

Here's the real question: how long will it take before contractions such as LOL and ROFL are accepted as English words and added to the dictionaries?  Hopefully, not while I'm still around.

Inception du Fromage

As a kid, I was fascinated with the idea of cheese whiz. Somewhat like my infatuation for bologna sandwiches and wonder bread, (my parents sheltered me from disgusting food), the idea of cheese in a can sounded AWESOME. So I tried some once.

I wish I had trusted my parents.

Anywayz, that brings me to the topic of cheese realism and accompanying percentages. What do they mean, "made with real cheese?" I have always known the word "real" to mean "actually existing." The scenarios that result from using this definition are pretty hilarious.

First off.... I imagine most people would feel pretty "cheesed" if they were sold imaginary products. When buying something, one assumes it actually exists. Unless they paid for it with imaginary money. Speaking of imaginary money, I am an imaginary billionaire! I just bought 10,000 cases of imaginary cheese whiz, and I'm pouring the luscious stuff into my mouths by the bucketful. Delicious.

What is even more mind boggling is when they say, "made with 100% real cheese!"

Is there some kind of scale for realism? Can something be 50% real and the other 50% is merely an illusion your mind creates to fill in the pan-dimensional gap?! I was pretty sure everything either existed or it didn't, but Kraft and other cheese companies have revealed something monumental... Not everything is real. The only thing that you can truly be certain about is the reality of cheese whiz. It's like a mix between the Matrix and Inception, all ruled by some ever-existing cheese being, with Kraft as their prophet-company. Your totem is also an excellent source of calcium!

Are You Feeling Nauseous?

Guess what, folks!  Nauseous things make you feel nauseated.  Some of you might argue that you never get carsick, even when other people next to you are sick, but the word nauseous actually means something that stirs up a feeling of nausea.  When Joe says that he is feeling nauseous, it means that he feels like he is giving others nausea.

So, the next time that you feel sick to your stomach, you will know that the correct word to use is 'nauseated,' and the next time you get up in the morning feeling like the very sight of you will make people sick to their stomachs, you will be able to say "I feel nauseous today" with perfect confidence.  Doesn't that make you feel better?

Oh, and one other thing.  The next time Joe tells you that he is feeling nauseous, look him up and down, then look him right in the eye and tell him that he is.

I Know Know Knowmes

"I have know idea how much oversight [the] board of directors has regarding what kind of research gets done [there],"  says a Biology PhD.

Does that mean that she knows an idea of how much oversight the board of directors has?  That doesn't sound right.  Oh, I see; it means she has known an idea of how much oversight the board of directors has.  Hmm... that's not much better.  Oh, well.  At least we know that someone at some time has had an idea of the amount of oversight the board of directors has.


I can't wait until I get a PhD. When will that be?  I have know idea.

Information For the Masses

Do they really? Wow. Thank you for informing me. I would have never known.

Max Hall likes to complete.

In the Daily Universe today, there was a story about Max Hall's budding success with the Arizona Cardinals. They beat the Saints, the defending superbowl champions!

Apparently, Max's attitude is well known. Check out this quote:

"He is always saying stuff," Fitzgerald said of Hall. "I always tease him. He's a really fiery guy. He loves to complete."

Uh..... complete what? Complete his passes? Complete his plays? Complete his sentences? Probably passes. Nobody really cares about completing their.

Slow Children At Play

I don't know about you, but I haven't seen many slow children lately. It seems like kids are always wired. "Hey, look at me!" "Guess what!" "Watch this!" Seriously, though, (somehow I can't take that seriously...) what does this really mean? Is it a statement that in this nice neighborhood called Slow, children play? Is it a flash card showing the word 'slow' that was published by Children At Play? Is it a depiction of a man jumping slowly over some children who are playing?!?

"Ahem... excuse me, but what it is trying to say is 'drive slowly, there are children at play here.'"

Thanks for clearing that up.

By the way, don't hurt the fly, he is a family pet.

(Edit: The fly has been removed because of the annoyance it caused the readers.)